“The strongest bonds are connecting us with those who gave us life do not seem to matter, how many years have passed, how many betrayals may have taken place, how much misery there has been in the family: we remain connected, even against our will.”
Anthony Brandt, Bloodlines
Each of us had a childhood. None had been perfect. No matter how our parents are/were, family history is our story. Whether we like it or not, our parents are partially in us. It can’t be erased. Each attempt to negate them ironically separates us from our truth and ourselves.
Moreover, the fact of rejection undeniably affects health. Many scientific studies show that people who have a tense relationship with one of their parents are twice as likely to develop heart disease and cancer. Among people whose negation concerns both; mother and father, 100% struggle with illnesses. Why? Because the flow of life is disturbed. Mark Wolynn distinguishes 4 subconscious mechanisms that have a tangible impact on our lives:
- We merged with the parent
- We rejected the parent
- We experienced the breakup of an early bond with mother
- We identified with a member of the family system other than parents.
How can this have a real impact on ourselves? Well, for example, a child taking over the emotional weight and problems of one of the parents is blocking the abundance and ability to be gifted. In later years, this inability not only closes us to this experience, but it can build a strong archetype of sacrifice. Cutting off from parents may bring a temporary feeling of freedom, but in the long run, it will reduce the level of satisfaction in relationships, lower the level of health and self-regeneration. However, this personal characteristic of your parents that you ran away from will be projected on someone else. In other words, you will transfer these qualities, e.g. to your partner or boss at work. The topic of healing family relationships is not an easy one. I don’t think you should just forgive and let everything go. All the more please, never force yourself to contact or anything that is against you. The healing process is not about healing the mother or father, but about exploring the part of them that you carry within you. You do it for yourself and not for them.
I have been working deeply with this topic and I see amazing changes in private life and business. I value the knowledge of Kabbalah that I use in the process of creating a numerological portrait. It shows us what gifts and lessons flow to us from the male and female lines. I will share here my example. It was thanks to my dad and his ancestors that I received a huge gift of intuition and spirituality, the so-called twenty-one (triple seven). My dad denied these skills, he wasn’t ready to develop them. He lives and perceives the world only analytically. He bases his faith on facts and research. Once I would criticize and embed his views. Currently, I respect his opinion, I express my own and thank him in my heart for this amazing gift. Working as a spiritual trainer using SRT, I explored traumas and patterns from many generations whose history was forgotten, blurred, hidden. This understanding healed the pattern I duplicated in my relationships.
In my opinion, working with a family topic is the discovery of yourself, expanding your perspective. Improving relationships with your parents, and the impact of this condition on your life is an intrinsic side effect.
Remember, when you know better you choose better.
Ps. Thank you, mom, thank you, dad, thank you to all my ancestors.