My evolution and the people I have the pleasure to work with, I noticed two main stages of self-discovery.
- I understand – that is, I know. A very important step forward, because as long as something is unaware it guides us. Now I am aware of existing behaviors, it is easier for me to look at them. I understand where they came from, or what lesson was hidden in them. In short, I know in what I play.
- I understand that smoking is not good for my health. I know that blocked emotional communication makes me reach for cigarette. I’m working on expressing what I feel. I still smoke.
- I understand that snacking on chocolate is the dissolution of my blockades of a hard energy system (eg a so-called numerological combination) which brings need of hard self-discipline. Chocolate gives me endorphins (the hormone of happiness) that serve as a substitute for love. I work on tenderness towards myself. I still eat chocolates
- I understand the lessons my partner brings me. Not respecting my time, he draws my attention to the fact that I don’t make myself a priority. Manipulating, he verifies to what extent life in truth is my greatest value. I am learning to set boundaries. I treat the emerging anger and difficult emotions as an internal signpost – “attention – this is important”. We’re still together, I love him.
- I am conscious – I am. Consciousness goes beyond the limits of understanding. I understand, I feel and I’m are finally connected. I go beyond the board and the game disappears. Of course, another one appears, but here we explore new rules. It is not possible to determinate when. You are ready when you are ready.
- I am conscious that smoking is bad for my health. I know why. I express my emotions, I feel and hear them. The day is slowly ending, I’m realizing that I haven’t smoked today, I forgot. I reach for a cigarette, I don’t like it somehow.
- I am conscious that snacking on chocolate is a dissolution of my blockades and the rigor I put in my life. Interesting, but I have no need to constantly monitor myself, and I honestly laughed at my last slip-up. Obsessive thoughts of “how could you” did not come or maybe whispered from a distance. When a friend brought chocolates to work, I took one. I did not need to hide 3 others for later.
- I am conscious of the lessons my partner has brought me in this relationship. The anger and sadness I felt was only information that what I agree to is not part of me anymore. The curtain has fallen and I can see the manipulation mechanism. Even if I wanted to, I can’t convince myself that tomorrow will be different. I say no, setting my limits. I love him, but I love myself more. We are not together anymore.
Switch will not be done without effort, but in the readiness and openness of exploring your nature the key to consciousness is hidden.
Photo by Andressa Voltolini